You want to spend time with your teen. You're heart is in the right place, but much to your dismay, your teen doesn't want to spend time with you. At least, that's the message you're getting. Adolescence is a time when kids are trying to figure out who they are and are frequently pushing for greater levels of independance. Figuring out how to have a meaningful relationship with your teen at a stage like this can feel like an impossible task.

Think back to when you were a teenager. How did you want your parents to approach you and what did they do that upset you? Looking at your situation through this lense might give you some ideas about how to change what you are trying with your own kids. With teens (and younger kids, too), most of the valuable time they spend with adults are couched in some kind of activity. Your child probably isn't ready to sit down with you for coffee at Starbucks, but might be more likely to talk to you while you are throwing around a ball or shopping for makeup. Try to think about what you and your child can do together than can be enjoyable for him or her. If whatever you come up with is fun for you, too, that's great. But if it isn't; don't worry. The real goal is to capture your child's interest. This may mean sitting down and trying to play a video game with your son when you have no interest or expertise in the actual game. Making a move like this and doing something with your child that you don't normally do can send a number of messages. First, it shows your daughter that you are truly aware of what she is doing and want to be a part of it. It provides an activity that he enjoys as a backdrop to the true connecting you want to do. Third, it shows sacrifice. You are willing to spend some time and energy on something that your teen probably knows is outside your interest or comfort zone. This one step likely won't "cure" a difficult relationship with a teen but can go a long way in strengthening your bond.

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